Part of being an Army wife is dealing with deployment. It's not easy for anyone, but for me I feel like it will be completely terrible the second time around. Kirk was deployed to Afghanistan this time last year and was deployed until right before our wedding. My heart ached so much while he was gone, especially when I had to say goodbye to him at the airport. I hardly stopped crying that day. The only thing that made it bearable when he was gone was the fact that I lived with three of my best friends, lived in the same city as my Aunt and Uncle, and I flew home to Virginia fairly often for family events/wedding planning. I was surrounded by people who loved me and supported me pretty much all the time...
One of my many flaws is that I dread or worry about things WAY in advance...I am already dreading Kirk's next deployment. He is scheduled to possibly deploy next spring or summer of 2013. With the military, you never really know if it's definite until closer to the time, but I think Kirk and his unit are fairly positive this deployment will be happening. I keep hoping they are wrong and that a lot will change in the next year so that they won't have to deploy... but I don't want to get my hopes up. For some reason, I am especially sad about it today. I'm not sure why it's hitting me so hard today except for the fact that Kirk is away for the next 5-6 days for gunnery training and I am getting a taste of what life will be like without my hubby around.
Last year when he was deployed, I wasn't forced to come home to an empty house or deal with day-to-day life without him at home because we didn't live together yet and were used to doing long distance. So in some ways, it felt "normal" to not be around him. But now that I am used to having him around and spending every moment with him when he's not working... I don't know how I will cope when it's just me holding down the fort. I was doing laundry today, folding and putting away his PT clothes and just started crying because I realized that next year I won't be doing that. His ACUs won't need washing, his boots won't be by the door and he won't be snoring next to me at night. I know you're thinking I am completely crazy for thinking about all this so soon. TRUST me, I know it's ridiculous, but I can't help it! Unfortunately, it's what I do and it's something I'm trying to work on--to not worry about things so far in the future.
What I do know is that I need to cherish every moment he is here. We have a wonderful year ahead of us and I can't wait for every second of it. We'll deal with deployment when it comes. For now, we'll enjoy this year being together! Today may be hard, but tomorrow will be better. I'll go awhile without thinking about all of this and then it will hit me again randomly. I knew what I was getting myself into when I married my soldier and I will never regret it. I admire him for what he does on a daily basis and couldn't be more proud of him. My mom offered for me to come back home the next time he was deployed... part of me really wants to take her up on that...
-MB
